i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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