Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
