I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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