my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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