Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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