I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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