I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize