The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
try to milk me bitch
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