WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
