When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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