we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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