Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He felt like a one man threesome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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