my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
