As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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