so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
