We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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