The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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