im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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