i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
