this just has baby written all over it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
