Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize