My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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