what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
