The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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