mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
