Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
