break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
