i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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