I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
