i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
