I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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