eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
