In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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