he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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