College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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