in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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