totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
