all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
