Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
