I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
