5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is my gift to your gina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
