I want to stick my p in your. b.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
