also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
