Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
