There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
