is your mom at the bar?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize