Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
