My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
