Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
