Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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