Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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