hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pants are for mortals
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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