Midget sex pt 2 tonight
North Korea, Best Korea!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
