And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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