Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
