It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
