why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
