They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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