just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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