He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize