i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
