so explain again why im purple
no
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
