going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
