God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize