Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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