So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
