Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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