there's paper in my vomit.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
