And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize