I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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