I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
