The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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