no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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