Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
