please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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