sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
