She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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