She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
