WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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