I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
