Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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