She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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