I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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