I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
