if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize