My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
