Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
