Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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