I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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