Christians are straight up FREAKS
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
